Four goal festive win for Kylies

22 December 1996, Division Six at Mannington

KMLC FC 4 ISSC 0

The Kylies made sure they were having a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year with a fifth straight league victory.

There were six different scorers last week and four this but they were more familiar names. Hobbs got things under way, scoring for the third game in a row. Swatty had been turning into more of a provider this season but he was back on target and also shared MVP with Hobbit.

Watty was back and among the goals taking him to seven in his last six appearances and Mikey Cox got off the bench to bag a goal for the third game in a row.

The team had earned their festive break. What would 1997 bring?


Lunt
Carpenter, Woolford, Summers, Gunning
Payne, Merry, Gould, Hobbs
Swatridge, Watling
Subs: Smedley for Payne, Cox for Merry

Goals: Hobbs, Swatridge, Watling, Cox


MVP: Swatridge, Hobbs
Spoons: Gould


Next match - 19 January 1997, Division Six v Akers!

Kylies send strong signal to Motorola

15 December 1996, Division Six at Lydiard

Motorola 1 KMLC FC 6

Four wins in a row. Seven out of eight in the league. Thirty goals in seven games. The Kylies were flying and Motorola were no match for the team.

Incredibly there were six different scorers too. With Watty missing it was Swatty who led the line superbly to win MVP. Perhaps the most notable scorer though was Neil Summers. After more than 50 games for the club he finally broke his duck. Well played Sir!


Lunt
Carpenter, Woolford, Summers, Gunning
Payne, Merry, Gould, Hobbs
Swatridge, Cox
Sub: Smedley for Hobbs

Goals: Hobbs, Summers, Cox, Merry, Swatridge, Gould pen


MVP: Swatridge
Spoons: Merry


Next match - 22 December, Division Six v ISSC

Kylie goal rush continues

8 December 1996, Division Six at Mannington

KMLC FC 5 Nationwide 1

One of the real purple patches in Kylie history continued with another big win, this time against new opponents in Nationwide.

Watty made it five in three games with another brace, Gould was on the scoresheet again and there were also strikes from Hobbit and Coxy. Swatty returned after a three game absence but showed his versatility in an unfamiliar fullback role.

Interestingly none of the scorers picked up the MVP this week. That went to Carpo who must have given a fine performance in defence. Hobbs picked up his third Spoons of the season despite his goal.


Lunt
Carpenter, Swatridge, Summers, Gunning
Payne, Merry, Gould, Hobs
Watling, Cox
Subs: Smedley for Hobbs, Garratt

Goals: Watling 2, Gould, Hobbs, Cox


MVP: Carpenter
Spoons: Hobbs


Next match - 15 December, Division Six v Motorola

Kylies hit Workbase for six

24 November 1996, Division Six at Penhill Sevenfields

Workbase Resources 3 KMLC FC 6

After scoring 13 goals in the last four matches the team really found their scoring boots through the winter. It started with this game against Workbase when the team really clicked.

There were braces for Gould and Merry (in an MVP performance) from midfield while forwards Watling and Payne (who also bagged Spoons) were also on target.


Lunt
Carpenter, Woolford, Summers, Gunning
Smedley, Merry, Gould, Hobbs
Watling, Payne
Subs: Cox for Smedley, Gratland, Garratt

Goals: Gould 2, Merry 2, Payne, Watling

MVP: Merry
Spoons: Payne


Next match - 8 December, Division Six v Nationwide

Kylies double up over Ambulance

10 November 1996, Division Six at Mannington

KMLC FC 4 Swindon Ambulance 3

Another game against old rivals Swindon Ambulance ended in a second victory of the season over those opponents.

The Kylies had been edged out of a seven-goal thriller last week but ended on the right side of the scoreline this time. Watty got his second brace of the season, Gary was on target for the second goal in three games and there was an ambulance og too.

Matthew started his first game since September and won Spoons.


Lunt
Carpenter, Woolford, Summers, M.Warr
Smedley, Merry, Gould, Hobbs
Watling, Payne
Subs: Cox for Hobbs, Garratt

Goals: Watling 2, Payne, own goal


MVP: Watling
Spoons: M.Warr


Next match - 24 November v Workbase Resources

Three goals not enough to beat Patriots

3 November 1996, Division Six at Chiseldon

Patriots Arms 4 KMLC FC 3

Chiseldon had been the scene of an infamous Kylie friendly ('watch the bounce!') which ended in heavy defeat to the Elm Tree. Two years on the opponents were different, the margin closer but the result was the same.

Hobbs and Cox both opened their KMLC account and Gould got the other and also picked up MVP. Hobbit must have done something interesting to get Spoons on the day of his first goal.

Dave Hector made his last Kylie appearance from the bench. He felt he was worthy of a starting place, the management weren't as convinced.


Lunt
Carpenter, Woolford, Summers, Gunning
Smedley, Merry, Gould, Hobbs
Watling, Cox
Sub: Hector for Cox

Goals: Hobbs, Cox, Gould


MVP: Gould
Spoons: Hobbs


Next match - 10 November v Swindon Ambulance

Payne opens account in Purton win

27 October 1996, Division Six at Braden Forest School

AFC Purton 2 KMLC FC 3

Purton were another team that had come up through Divisions 8 and 7 with us and, like Akers, we didn't have a great record against.

In the four previous matches it was three wins to one in Purton's favour (they did the double last season) but the Kylies got one back by the odd goal in five.

Watling and Gould (not a penalty for once) took their tallies for the season to four apiece to go top of the scoring charts and Gary got his first goal for the club and shared MVP with Stu into the bargain.

Steve Kelly's appearance from the bench was to be his last and he went off to form a team with his real friends. We wished him well.


Lunt
Swatridge, Woolford, Summers, Gunning
Payne, Merry, Gould, Hobbs
Watling, B.Warr
Subs: Cox for Payne, Kelly for Watling

Goals: Watling, Gould, Payne


MVP: Gould, Payne
Spoons: Gould


Next match - 3 November v Patriots Arms

Kylies too hot for Curriers

20 October 1996, Division Six at Mannington

KMLC FC 3 Curriers Arms 0

After running into some familiar teams so far this season it was new opposition for the Kylies this week and brought the first clean sheet of the campaign.

Big Al was back between the sticks but it was Ian Merry who stole the honours with a brace of goals and the MVP award. Ben got the other, his versatility saw him play up front this week, to make it three goals in four games for him.

After playing as a striker in the early part of the season, Gary slotted into his soon-to-be familiar midfield role this week.

Lunt,
Smedley, Woolford, Summers, Gunning
Payne, Merry, Gould, Hobbs
Watling, B.Warr
Subs: Swatridge for Watling, Carpenter for Smedley, Cox for Hobbs

Goals: Merry 2, B.Warr


MVP: Merry
Spoons: Gunning


Next match - 27 October v AFC Purton

A message to us from Rudi's

13 October 1996, Chairman's Trophy at Greendown School

Rudi's 8 KMLC FC 1

After winning a first knockout match three weeks ago the Kylies were brought back down to earth in the next round.

Rudi's ran out comfortable 8-1 winners with Ben getting our only goal. The Cup run turned into little more than an amble.

The records suggest that Kelly, a wiry forward, replaced Neil (the keeper) at some point in this game. Did he take the gloves or was someone else sub goalie? Is that correct or my poor record-keeping?


Summers
Carpenter, Woolford, B.Warr, Gunning
Smedley, Merry, Gould, Hector
Watling, Payne
Subs: Hobbs for Hector, Kelly for Summers (?), Cox for Carpenter

Goal: B.Warr


MVP: Gould
Spoons: Smedley


Next match - 20 October v Curriers Arms at Mannington

Ambulance silenced by Gould spot-kick

6 October 1996, Division Six at Mannington

Swindon Ambulance 1 KMLC FC 2

After losing to one old rival, Akers, twice this season the Kylies got their second league win of the campaign against another.

Matches in divisions seven and eight had seen two wins to KMLC, one to Ambulance and a draw. The Kylies added to their win tally by the odd goal in three.

Watling was on target (but also won Spoons) but a Gould penalty proved to bet the winner.


Lunt
Carpenter, Woolford, Summers, Gunning
Smedley, Merry, Gould, B.Warr
Watling, Payne
Subs: Hector for Smedley, M.Warr for Carpenter

Goals: Watling, Gould pen


MVP: B.Warr
Spoons: Watling


Next match - 13 October v Rudi's

Another Akers defeat for Kylies

29 September 1996, Division Six at Manington

KMLC FC 2 Akers Garage 3

Three weeks after Knockout Cup defeat to the same opponents it was another game against Akers Garage for the Kylies.

And the result was another loss. We were one goal better this time, 3-2 as opposed to 3-1 through Ben and Ian Merry, but that's not much of a consolation.

Big Al was back for his first game between the sticks this season and he earned Spoons for his trouble.


Lunt
Carpenter, Woolford, Summers, Gunning
Smedley, Merry, Gould, B.Warr
Watling, Payne
Subs:Williams for Smedley, M.Warr for Summers, Hector

Goals: B.Warr, Merry


MVP: Merry
Spoons: Lunt


Next match - 6 October v Swindon Ambulance

Kylies win a Cup match!

22 September 1996, Chairman's Trophy at Mannington

KMLC FC 4 Kempsford 1

After falling at the first hurdle in every cup competition they'd entered the Kylies finally notched a win.

The strike partnership of Watling and Swatridge got three between them while Hector got the only goal of his short-lived Kylie career. Neil picked up his second MVP in succession in what must have been another fine display between the sticks.


Summers
Smedley, Woolford, B.Warr, Gunning
Hector, Merry, Howell, Cox
Swatridge, Watling
Sub: Kibble (most likely for Cox but the sheet says for Summers! Big difference between numbers 1 and 11!)

Goals: Watling 2, Swatridge, Hector


MVP: Summers
Spoons, Gunning, Kibble


Next match - 29 September, Division Six v Akers

Half-baked Kylies stuffed by Hewers

15 September 1996, Division Six at Shrewsbury Road

Hewers Bakery 4 KMLC FC 0

After that excellent season opener two weeks ago against Lyneham it was back down to Earth with a heavy defeat.

Looks like the club's goalkeeping crisis got worse this week as it was Ben's turn to don the gloves. He got spoons too which seems harsh but when were we ever fair? Payne, Hobbs and Watling were all missing too which couldn't have helped.


B.Warr
Carpenter, Woolford, M.Warr, Gunning
Hector, Merry, Gould, Cox
Swatridge, Williams
Sub: Howell for Williams


MVP: Gould
Spoons: B.Warr


Next match - 22 September, Chairman's Cup v Kempsford

Akers dump Kylies out of Cup

8 September 1996, Knockout Cup at Mannington

KMLC FC 1 Akers Garage 3

The Akers' rivalry continued in the Cup and fourth time in five games it was our opponents who came out on top. This was the lowest scoring of our clashes so far with Stu getting our only goal from the spot.

Neil picked up MVP which suggests we did well to keep it down to three. Mikey Cox played his first game of many for the club in this one.


Summers
Carpenter, Woolford, B.Warr, Gunning
Hector, Merry, Gould, Cox
Swatridge, Watling
Subs: Williams for Hector, Garratt, Howell

Goal: Gould pen


MVP: Summers
Spoons: Gould


Next match - 15 September v Hewer's Bakery

Division Six campaign starts with win

1 September 1996, Division Six at RAF Lyneham

RAF Lyneham 1 KMLC FC 4

Unusually the season started with a league game and not a Knockout Cup defeat! There were three new names in the squad - Gary Payne and Phil Hobbs would go on to have distinguished Kylie careers,  (Gary would manage the club with distinction later in its life leading them to two Chairman's Cup Finals), Dave Hector didn't.

With Big Al absent and Garratt having injured a shoulder in the close season the versatile Neil Summers was between the sticks. Swatty scored two shared the MVP award with Gary. 'Hobbit's' debut must have been less impressive as he won spoons.


Summers
Carpenter, Woolford, M.Warr, Gunning
Smedley, Merry, Gould, Hobbs
Swatridge, Payne
Sub: Hector for Hobbs, Garratt

Goals: Swatridge 2, Gould p, og


MVP: Swatridge, Payne
Spoons: Hobbs


Next match - 8 September in the Cup against old rivals Akers

KMLC25 - The 1991 small-sided season stats

PLAYER	APPEARANCES	GOALS
PAUL GARRATT	29	6
KEVIN GUNNING	11	7
SCOTT CARPENTER	29	44
KEVIN KIBBLE	27	59
STUART GOULD	30	91
MATTHEW WARR	13	5
BEN WARR	16	21
SIMON SWATRIDGE	7	20
BRIAN WOOLFORD	19	11
IAN MERRY	3	10
IAN RAINBOW	2	0
MICHAEL SCOTT	8	17
JAMES LEONARD	1	0
OWN GOALS		1

KMLC25 - The 1991 small-sided season

Spurred on by the success (of their first season) THE KYLIES were eager to start the 1991 campaign.

1991 proved to be far more demanding in many ways. The fact that there were more games required greater levels of fitness from everyone. The range of fixtures increased to incorporate anything from 5-a-side to 11-a-side. The Top Table Posse were even keener to topple THE KYLIES for the first time. Finally, '91 saw the inauguration of the KENILWORTH CUP.

Undaunted, THE KYLIES reached new heights.

Along with the further development of the natural ball skills and tactical prowess within the squad, came the need to be a little more physical. A major factor in this development was a team of arch rivals. THE POSSE. A great desire to win took hold of each member of the opposing teams and transformed normally affable and pleasant young men into Barbaric Monsters intent on painful exchange whenever the opportunity arose -- and sometimes when it didn't.

After the dust had settled and all had shaken hands THE KYLIES looked back on a tremendous season and remembered both fondly and ruefully some of the incidents that had occurred. A few arguments had taken place both amongst ourselves and with the opposition, the former being far more common. There were also some rather heated confrontations consisting of standing eye to eye with an opponent in an attempt to show macho supremacy. Nothing ever came of these stand-offs, although some may wish they had!

Whilst in possession of the ball it was another story. The goalie, PEEJ, performed miraculously one minute, having solvite hands, and then suicidally the enxt, transforming into The Technicolour Clown. The defensive duties were left to the likes of MATTHEW, BOOM BOOM, BIG KEV and various others. They had the ability to dominate to an extent of being watertight, and then open the sluice gates and take on more water than the Titanic. As for the now Legendary TRIUMVIRATE, GOULD, KIBBLE & CARPENTER, they scaled the dizzying heights of electrifying football akin to The Brazilians of 1970, only to plummet to great depths by waging war on each other with verbal barrages best unquoted in this publication.

1991 proved to be very successful with lots of attractive football being played at both ends of the pitch and great deal of enjoyment taken out of it. Well done to everybody involved.

1991 Stats
PLAYED	WON	DRAWN	LOST	GOALS FOR	GOALS AGST
31	23	4	4	292	133

(Player stats to follow)

KMLC25 - The Kenilworth Cup - Match report

(From the "I should Be So Lucky' magazine)

(The game) witnessed the humbling of the Top Table Posse in the first ever Kenilworth Cup Final. Played in perfect weather conditions and on the carpeted surface of Kenilworth Road, home of Luton Town FC, THE KYLIES made easy work of defeating the POsse by 10 goals to 2, with goals coming from SWATRIDGE (5), CARPENTER, B. WARR, SCOTT, GOULD and a TIMMS O.G.

A noticeable absentee from the list of scorers is KEVIN KIBBLE, made even more remarkable by the fact that he had by far and away the easiest chance of the afternoon. When poised in front of goal, no more than 6 yards out, with only the goalie to beat, he drew back his right foot and "TOE-PUNTED" it woefully wide into the advertising boards. (Otherwise there was) some fine football, good humour and excellent referee and some outstanding goals.

The Trophy was presented to Team Captain PAUL GARRATT in front of a packed house of approx 7 supporters. The atmosphere was absolutely tremendous, leading THE KYLIES into song and much frivolity in the showers afterwards, which I'm not at liberty to go into in case it gets certain members of the team in deep water.

KMLC25 - The Kenilworth Cup - Result and after-match reaction

Result

Athletico Top Table Posse 2
Soakell 2

v

Kylie Minogue's Love Children 10
Swatridge 5
Carpenter
B.Warr
Timms (og)
Scott
Gould

Attendance: Not many.

After-match quotes:

"You've got to be hard in this game - and we won!" - Stu

"I thought we were the better team on the night! - Ady

"I'm never surprised to see the ball in the net" - Swattty

"Disaster area, total disaster area" - Webby

"I thought I was offside" - Kevin

"It hit my leg, Snowy never saw it" - Rich

"What do you say to the criticism that...?" - Ben


Match report follows shortly

KMLC25 - The Kenilworth Cup (The Teams - Part Two, the Kylies)

Kylie Minogue's Love Children

1. Paul Garratt (Peej) - Earns his place due to having a booking card and being good at organising things.

2. Ian Rainbow (Meaty Morris) - On loan from Derby. His Howitzer-like passing should be well suited to the surface.

3. Brian Woolford (Woolly) - Only a couple of Kylie games under his belt but his cultured left foot should make an impression.

4. Stuart Gould (Sipper) - Only Kylie to have played at Luton previously. Not much hair, but plenty of flair.

5. Matthew Warr (Math) - Stylish and accomplished defender who is fit again after a recent foot injury*.

6. Kevin Gunning (Captain Lager) - The Pony-Tailed Colossus should rule the air around both penalty areas.

7. Simon Swatridge (Fricky) - Faster than a frightened Jack-Rabbit and deadlier as well.

8. Scott Carpenter (Carpo) - Midfield engine room whose self motivation could be a key to the team's chances.

9. Michael Scott (Mike) - Five goals in his last two games versus 'the Posse' for the skeletal front man.

10. Kevin Kibble (Shark) - He's short, he's round, on the score sheet he will be found - "The Shark"!

11. Ben Warr (Boom Boom) - Honest grafter and 'Old Man' of the team. His slap-headers have delighted a generation.

12. James Leonard (Jimmy) - Brought in at the last minute. Useful player to have on the bench.

* Editor's note. Programme print deadlines assumed Matthew's return to fitness. Sadly he didn't make it to Luton so James stepped up into the starting XI.

KMLC25 - The Kenilworth Cup (The Teams - Part One, the Posse)

Athletico Top Table Posse

1. Neil Thompson (Snowy) - The Posse's commanding keeper could turn the air blue tonight with his use of industrial language. Brave as an ox and about as articulate.

2. Adrian Bevan (Ady) - Tough-tackling defender with the aggressive instincts of a bull terrier. Commanding in the air and previous experience of Luton's plastic, despite being short.

3. Paul Rose (Budlet) - Six foor two and seven stone wringing wet, Budlet's gangly frame and elbows give new meaning to the phrase 'man-to-man marking'.

4. Philip Selby (Man-Phil) - The Posse's ever-smiling 'libero' has laser-accurate passing but not looking forward to destroying his quiff by heading the ball. Also has previous Kenilworth experience.

5. Richard Timms (The Bigman) - Hard as a rock and about as mobile, the Bigman is the Posse's tower of strength and first man to the bar afterwards.

6. Mike Webster (Webby) - The Posse's defensive mystery man and possibly hidden ace. Just who is Webby?

7. David Rose (The Sheriff) - Big, fat and mouthy, Sheriff compensates for his lack of pace, vision and football skill by shouting at everybody all the time.

8. David Bevan (The M.C.) - Midfield dynamo whose endless stamina ensures he gets through more running than the rest of the posse put together. Probably.

9. Jared Prothero (J.P.) - The Posse's own Ally McCoist is an agile and pacey forward with an eye for goal and the slappers. Sure to set a few pulses racing tonight.

10. Roger Herman (The Bishop) - Mercurial winger who likes to take people on. More likely to make a pass at his team mates rather than to them. Ideal if you're looking for a fight.

11. Paul Soakell (Soke) - Marauding forward with a goal instinct as sharp as his basin haircut. The Posse are looking to him to provide the oranges at half-time.

(Paul Gordon was listed as sub but did not have a profile in the programme.)

KMLC25 - The Kenilworth Cup (Preview Part Three - About the Teams)

About the teams

Athletico Top Table Posse

Named after a piece of tacky furniture at Swindon's famous Level 3 nightclub, 'The Posse' come to Kenilworth Road tonight as very much the underdogs, albeit tenacious and determined underdogs. Formed amidst the the footballing euphoria created by the 'Promotion' of the summer of 1990, and a televised cup competition in Italy, their first 'game' at Faringdon Road Park resulted in a broken toe for Jared! From such unfortunate origins they have developed into a hard-working 5 or 6-a-side team. Now, this is their first attempt at the 11-a-side game.

Kylie Minogue's Love Children

Team Analysis

On paper, 'The Kylies' have a very balanced team; an attack blending skill with pace, the midfield blessed with creativity and strength, solid defenders comfortable on the ball and a cntre-back pairing known as 'The Messerschmitt Twins' due to their aerial ability. Behind all this stands a goalkeeper who, on his day, transforms from 'The Technicolour Clown' into 'The Man With The Solvite Hands'. Having said all that, this probably isn't his day and the game's on plastic - not paper!

Team History

Formed May 1990 to compete in the Striker Cup, The Kylies attempted to win the prize for the team with the silliest name. They failed; both in the name and the football departments. Results of 1-1, 0-2 and 2-6 gave them a first-round exit. The team then moved outside and embarked on a 17-game unbeaten streak at the Oasis, a stretch lasting more than four months. This season's Oasis campaign has been somewhat sketchier - only one more victory than defeat but, if last's season's form is repeated, The Kylies will hit their best form in the summer.

KMLC25 - The Kenilworth Cup (Preview Part Two - Intro and Injuries)

All the preview text and team profiles over the next few posts was taken from the official match programme.

Introduction

Welcome to Kenilworth Road, Luton for the first Kenilworth Cup game between Kylie Minogue's Love Children and Athletico Top Table Posse. The two teams have competed against each other at 5, 6 and 7-a-side, but it is hoped that an 11-a-side event can be staged annually as long as the players' legs hold out!!

The Hurting

Both sides' preparation for this game has been affected by injuries, some short term, others threatening participation altogether. The in-vogue injury has been ankle ligaments. Matthew Warr has been sidelined for three weeks, David Rose one week, and both Gunning and Gould for the Kylies have suffered recurrences of injuries sustained in the last six months.

Other problems seen slight in comparison. Garratt (bruised finger) is the other Kylie victim, while for the Posse Thompson and Herman (both flu) and Ady Bevan (back) have struggled in recent weeks. Prothero (broken toe) and Goluld (nose job!) have delayed operations to play tonight, but the unluckiest man is surely Dave Bevan who, at the time of writing, is waiting for doctors to give him the go-ahead to play after a cycling accident left him with concussion, two stitches in his top lip and a suspected broken nose. We all wish Dave well and hope he can line up tonight.

All in all there are more crocks on display than in the average Tarzan film!!!

Head to Head Results

Kylies won 9, drawn 1, lost 0, for 84, against 47
Posse won 0, drawn 1, lost 9, for 47, against 84

Previous matches (Kylies' score first, all at Oasis except 23/12/90 at Dorcan)

3/7/90 - 14-4
10/7/90 - 5-4
1/8/90 - 8-8
3/9/90 - 11-8
11/9/90 - 13-3
16/10/90 - 5-4
22/10/90 - 9-3
23/12/90 - 5-4
22/1/91 - 6-5
18/3/91 - 8-4

KMLC25 - The Kenilworth Cup (Preview Part One - How it came about)

After seeing a TV news item about the plastic pitch at Luton Town FC's Kenilworth Road being available for hire, Kylie keeper, and general pitch booking man, Paul Garratt floated the idea of the Kylies playing their first eleven-a-side game at the venue.

The team was behind him, the opponents were chosen (old rivals the Top Table Posse), the deposit was paid and the date was set. 6 May 1991* would be the date for the first ever Kenilworth Cup.

With a bank holiday evening kick-off we were paying top whack for the privilege. £270 for the pitch from 8pm to 10pm (plus use of the bar until 11pm) and £60 for floodlights (+VAT at 15%!)

We also needed to register with the Bedfordshire FA so we could have a ref. That was £8.

A video camera was hired from somewhere at the bottom of town (Hickmans?) and friend of the team Colin Robson engaged as cameraman. (I think I've lost my copy of the video - anyone still got theirs?)

I can't remember how we got there. Coach, minibus, fleet of cars? Let me know in the comments box. We were on our way to Luton.

* This was in the last week of the plastic pitch I think. It was being dug up the following weekend.

1995/96 Moving on...

Several players handed in their black and green shirts for the final time after this campaign...


Neil Shurmer
Just the one appearance for Neil this season, coming off the bench in the early-season win over Ambulance. In our first season he'd started five games and also appeared three times as sub and played in the first official KMLC game. A willing player he was exactly the good honest sort needed to get the team off the ground. He finished with one MVP and one Spoon to his name.

Rob Purdon
A substitute appearance in the early season cup defeat to Chris Graham was his only showing. Likely a 'ringer' covering off the possibility off injury. A colleague of Stu's if I remember correctly.

Craig Randell
Most likely another 'ringer'. One appearance in a Cup match, the Chairman's Trophy this time for the physio's brother.

Mark Gratland
'Gratty' had been well used in our first season playing a part in 13 league matches (eight starts, 5 sub appearances) and one sub appearance in a cup. His only showing this season was from the bench in the Wilts Cup hammering where he picked up his only Spoon. No MVP and no goals but his contribution can be measured in the same way as Neil's.

Jon Carter
Another player in that opening game Jon possibly suffered a little from his versatility. He slotted in across all the midfield roles and also appeared in defence and up front so perhaps didn't get the chance to nail one position. In 94/95 he made 15 starts and three from the bench and opened his account in the last game of the season. It was five appearances with another one as a sub in the campaign just gone and got his second goal in a win over ISSC. Another solid team man he finished with one MVP and one Spoon which came jointly with Garratt for their spectacular joint own goal.

Dave Turner
Another of Stu's connections I think. Played in the first game of the season but didn't resurface until March for two more starts and two sub appearances suggesting an 'emergency cover' kind of role. Still managed to pick up one MVP and a Spoon.

1995/96 MVP & Spoons

Swatty might not have been so prolific in the scoring department but his efforts were rewarded with a second seasonal MVP.

Gunning and Summers were top Spooners while, for the second season, Smedley picked up an MVP but no Spoons.

	MVP	Spoons
Carpenter	1	1
Carter	1
Garratt	1	3
Gould	2
Gratland		1
Gunning	2	4
Howell		2
Kelly	3	2
Lunt	3	2
Merry	3	2
Smedley	1
Summers	2	4
Swatridge	4	2
Turner	1	1
Warr B.	1	1
Warr M.	1	2
Watling	3	1
Williams		1
Woolford		1

1995/96 Goalscorers

Gould comes out on top, the only man to reach double figures.

Swatty, last season's top scorer, only bagged four and is on a 10-game drought.

	League		Cup		Total
	Goals		Goals		Goals
Carpenter	1				1
Carter	1				1
Gould	10				10
Gunning	8				8
Howell	1				1
Kelly	6		1		7
Lunt	1				1
Merry	4				4
Smedley	2				2
Swatridge	4				4
Warr M.	1				1
Watling	8		1		9
Woolford	2				2

1995/96 Appearances

Gunning the only ever-present this season.

	League			Cup			Total
	Appearances	Sub		Appearances	Sub		Appearances	Sub
Carpenter	15	2		2			17	2
Carter	4	1		1			5	1
Garratt	10	1		2			12	1
Gould	18			3			21	0
Gratland					1		0	1
Gunning	22			3			25	0
Howell	9	4					9	4
Kelly	13	1		2			15	1
Kibble	2	3					2	3
Lunt	16			3			19	0
Merry	18			1			19	0
Purdon					1		0	1
Randell				1			1	0
Sharp					1		0	1
Shurmer	0	1					0	1
Smedley	18			3			21	0
Summers	15	3		3			18	3
Swatridge	18						18	0
Turner	2	2		1			3	2
Warr B.	11	1		2			13	1
Warr M.	13	2		3			16	2
Watling	8	1		1			9	1
Williams	8	2					8	2
Woolford	22			2			24	0

1995/96 Division Seven final table

(With thanks to Clive Archer of the Swindon Sunday League)

H	A	DIVISION 7	P	W	D	L	F	A	Pts
1-6	4-3	Akers Garage FC	22	16	4	2	74	30	36
2-5	2-4	AFC Purton	22	15	2	5	73	40	32
1-3	1-2	Lyneham Athletic FC	22	13	4	5	61	54	30
2-2	7-2	Swindon Ambulance FC	22	12	4	6	62	40	28
0-0	1-4	Work Base Resources FC	22	11	4	7	64	44	26
		KMLC FC	22	11	3	8	51	43	25
4-0	5-1	ISSC FC	22	10	2	10	48	61	22
1-2	2-0	The Grapes FC	22	8	4	10	49	46	20
4-1	3-2	White Hart Lyneham FC	22	5	4	13	41	72	14
2-2	1-0	Faringdon Road Grapes  FC	22	3	5	14	40	57	11
2-0	1-0	Mannington FC	22	4	3	15	37	71	11
3-1	2-3	Swindon Cycle Club FC	22	4	1	17	32	74	9

Looks like we found our level this season. Only one win and two draws against the teams finishing above us, only one draw and two defeats against the teams finishing below us.

At least we were one of the two teams to beat Akers!

Sixth place still good enough for promotion. See you in Division Six next September!

Grapes jinx ended with 'who scored?' question

28 April 1996, Division Seven at Penhill

The Grapes 0 KMLC FC 2

The season finished with a clean sheet, a win and the best unbeaten run of an erratic season, four games.

The victims were The Grapes who had knocked the Kylies out of the Chairman's Cup and recorded a league victory either side of Christmas. Gunning bagged his eighth of the season but the controversy came with the final goal of the campaign.

Neil Summers thought he'd opened his Kylie account but had the ball crossed the line? Howler believed the ball was in, Neil certainly made sure but there was no one close enough to make a call on who got the final touch.

It was the end of season do where it was decided. Both players took to the microphone to stake their claim. Neil, who'd missed a penalty in the game, gave a plea for support and a long account of the event along the lines of 'I looked down and saw it wasn't over the line'. Chris said something along the lines of 'it was my goal' and insulted his teammate : 'you must be lying, when you look down all you see is your gut'. He won the vote.

There was also a third MVP for Merry in four matches following on from Swatty's recent four out of six. Neil was subbed and got spoons which seems like insult to injury.


Lunt
Summers, Woolford, M.Warr, Gunning
Smedley, Merry, Gould, Howell
Swatridge, Watling
Subs: Carpenter for Smedley, Kibble for Summers

Goals: Gunning, Howell


MVP: Merry
Spoons: Summers

Next match - will be in September. Stay fit!

(But keep checking back for the end of season roundups and the 1991 five-a-side stuff. And The Kenilworth Cup!)

Improved Ambulance hold Kylies

21 April 1996, Division Seven at Mannington

KMLC FC 2 Swindon Ambulance 2

Old rivals the Ambulance were the first opponents in the Division Seven season and a Kelly hat-trick inspired a 7-2 win. There was no repeat this time with Steve now behind Swatty and Watty in the striker pecking order.

There was no repeat of the result either as this finished with four goals being shared between the teams. Watling took his scoring run to five games but Merry took MVP honours. Big Al won spoons. Always worrying when the keeper wins spoons.


Lunt,
Summers, Woolford, M.Warr, Gunning
Turner, Merry, Gould , B.Warr
Swatridge, Watling
Subs: Kelly for Merry, Howell for Summers

Goals: Merry, Watling

MVP: Merry
Spoons: Lunt


Next match - 28 April v The Grapes

Kylies puncture Cycle Club hopes

14 April 1996, Division Seven at Mannington

KMLC FC 3 Swindon Cycle Club 1

After a disappointing defeat against these opponents seven days ago, the Kylies made it two wins and two defeats in eight days with a two-goal victory.

Watty was on target for the fourth straight game and both centre-halves scored too. The younger and better-coiffured Warr brother notching his only goal of the season.


Lunt
Carpenter, Woolford, M.Warr, Gunning
Summers, Merry, Smedley, Williams
Swatridge, Watling
Subs: Turner for Carpenter, Howell for Smedley

Goals: Gunning, Watling, M.Warr

MVP: M.Warr/Swatridge
Spoons: Carpenter


Next match - 21 April v Swindon Ambulance

Hart win is foundation for end of season run

11 April 1996, Division Seven at RAF Lyneham

White Hart Lyneham 2 KMLC FC 3

A third game in five days and an evening trip out to RAF Lyneham proved no barrier to a Kylie win in this erratic season. After two successive defeats, for the fourth time in the league season, the team bounced back to start what would be their longest unbeaten run of the campaign.

Merry, another Gould penalty and a goal from the bench from Watling (did he turn up a bit late I wonder. It was a rare start for Kibble and would be his last) were too much for the hosts who were perhaps the lesser of the Lyneham teams. But hey, you've got to be hard in this game and we won.


Lunt
Carpenter, Woolford, Summers, Gunning
Smedley, Merry, Gould, Williams
Swatridge, Kibble
Subs: Watling for Kibble, Howell for Woolford

Goals: Watling, Gould pen, Merry

MVP: Merry
Spoons: Lunt, Merry


Next match - 14 April at Mannington v Swindon Cycle Club

Kylies out-Worked in evening game

9 April 1996, Division Seven at Plessey Club

Workbase Resources 4 KMLC FC 1

These teams had played out a goalless draw in October but it was a one-sided affair this time. There was no Gould (did the Tuesday night kick-off mean he couldn't get there in time?) but otherwise it was a fairly strong Kylie line-up that slipped to what would be their last defeat of the season.


Lunt
Carpenter, Woolford, M.Warr, Gunning
Smedley, Merry, Williams, Kelly
Swatridge, Watling
Subs: Summers for Kelly, Garratt for Williams

Goal: Watling

MVP: Swatridge
Spoons: Swatridge



Next match - 11April v White Hart Lyneham

Cycle take Kylies for a ride

7 April 1996, Division Seven at Lydiard Park

Swindon Cycle Club 3 KMLC FC 2

After two clean sheets in a row and four for the season it was the other side of Peej that came out in this defeat. I'm not sure whether it was three goalkeeping blunders that cost the team this week or if it was a late mistake with the team on top (either are believable) but anyway, I'm fairly sure that Spoons in this one was fully deserved by the hapless gloveman.

Dave Turner picked up his one and only MVP coming on as sub while Gould (from the spot) and Watling got the ultimately fruitless goals for the Kylies.


Garratt
Carpenter, Woolford, B.Warr, Gunning
Smedley, Williams, Gould, Lunt
Swatridge, Watling
Subs: Turner for Gunning

Goals, Watling, Gould pen

MVP: Turner
Spoons: Garratt


Next match - 9 April v Workbase Resources

Gould goal squeezes win against Grapes

31 March 1996, Division Seven at Mannington

Faringdon Road Grapes 0 KMLC FC 1

After two goals last week Stu was once again the difference maker with the only goal of this game. There was a second successive MVP for Swatridge without him being on target.

There was also a second clean sheet in a row and a fourth of the season for Garratt. It'll never last!


Garratt
Smedley, Woolford, B.Warr, Gunning
Williams, Merry, Gould, Howell
Swatridge, Lunt
Subs: Kibble for Merry, Turner

Goal: Gould

MVP: Swatridge
Spoons: Gunning


Next match - 7 April v Swindon Cycle Club

Easy win over ISSC

24 March 1996, Division Seven at Mannington

KMLC FC 4 ISSC 0

After a 5-1 win over the same opponents before Christmas it was another four goal win for the Kylies.

Gould got two, his first brace since October, and Woolford also scored his first since the same month as KMLC notched their first win in three.


Garratt
Carpenter, Woolford, M.Warr, Gunning
Williams, Merry, Gould, Kibble
Swatridge, Lunt

Goals: Gould 2, Gunning, Woolford

MVP: Gould, Swatridge
Spoons: Williams


Next match - 31 March v Faringdon Road Grapes

New keeper can't halt Akers' revenge

17 March 1996, Division Seven at Mannington

KMLC FC 1 Akers Garage 6

The Kylies had notched their first win against Akers a month before but were very much second best in the return fixture.

After Garratt and Lunt had played 'pass the parcel' with the 'keepers' jersey for the first season and a half there was a new name between the sticks - Ian Merry. What the tricky midfielder was doing in goal with Big Al up front is anybody's guess.

The Kylies were missing both Swatridge and Watling which didn't help their cause and it was Al that scored the team's only goal in this heaviest league defeat of the season. Dave Turner made his debut for the team in midfield and shared the Spoons award with four players that weren't present! Sounds like the rest of the team weren't impressed with their reasons for absence.

Merry
Carpenter, Woolford, M.Warr, Gunning
Smedley, B.Warr, Turner, Williams
Kelly, Lunt

Scorer: Lunt

MVP: Lunt
Spoons: Turner, Swatridge, Howell, Watling, Garratt


Next match - 24 March v ISSC at Mannington

Another Lyneham loss for Kylies

10 March 1996, Division Seven at RAF Lyneham

Lyneham Athletic 3 KMLC FC 1

A first visit to RAF Lyneham for the Kylies ended in defeat. Whether the security business and walking past Hercules aircraft to get to the pitch unsettled the team we can't be sure. It could just be that Lyneham were better.

They'd had a name change since the first game between the sides (previously RAF Lyneham) but the result went the same way with Gould getting the only goal for the team this time.


Lunt
Summers, Woolford, M.Warr, Gunning
Smedley, B.Warr, Gould, Kelly
Swatridge, Watling
Subs: Carpenter for Summers, Williams for Kelly, Howell for Woolford

Goal: Gould

MVP: Gunning
Spoons: Summers


Next Match - 17 March v Akers Garage

Kylies Shut out Mannington again

3 March 1996, Division Seven at Mannington

AFC Mannington 0 v KMLC FC 1

In their debut season in the league the Kylies had beaten Mannington twice without conceding a goal. This 1-0 victory meant that feat was achieved for a second season running after a 2-0 win in November.

Swatridge and Carpenter got the goals that day, this time it was Watling with the only goal of the game. There had clearly been some duff weather about as this was only the fourth match of the year for the Kylies. This match would start a run of 11 games in eight weeks.

MVP and spoons were the same for the second week running. You may or may not find that interesting.


Garratt
Summers, Woolford, M.Warr, Gunning
Smedley*, Howell, Gould, Williams
Swatridge, Watling

Goal: Watling

MVP: Watling
Spoons: Gunning

*Summers is listed in defence and midfield on the records. Midfielder likely to be Smedley.


Next match - 10 March v Lyneham Athletic

Watling returns to down Akers

18 February 1996, Division Seven at Ballards Ash

Akers Garage 3 KMLC FC 4

Watty had scored on debut in the Knockout Cup back in September but had been absent since. (Injury?) With Swatridge missing for this one the frontman's return was timely.

Gunning and leading scorer Kelly both got goals but Watling's brace and MVP performance was crucial in downing the Kylies' main rivals and getting the team back to winning ways.

The game was also notable for the debut of Simon 'Tan Boy' Williams.


Garratt
Carpenter, Woolford, Summers, Gunning
Smedley, Merry, Gould, Howell
Watling Kelly
Subs: Williams for Merry, Kibble

Goals: Watling 2, Gunning, Kelly

MVP: Watling
Spoons: Gunning


Next match - 3 March v AFC Mannington

Kylies fall to Grapes again

21 January 1996, Division Seven at Mannington

KMLC FC 1 v The Grapes 2

After being knocked out of the Chairman's Cup by The Grapes in early December, the Kylies suffered a league defeat to the same opponents.

Swatridge got his first goal since November but the Kylies slipped to a second straight defeat. Their league record now reading won four, drawn two, lost four.


Garratt
Carpenter, Woolford, Summers, Gunning
Smedley, B.Warr, Gould, Howell
Swatridge, Kelly
Subs: M.Warr for Smedley, Kibble

Goal: Swatridge

MVP: B.Warr
Spoons: Howell


Next match - 18 February v Akers Garage

New Year starts with defeat

7 January 1996, Division Seven at Shrewsbury Road

KMLC FC 2 v AFC Purton 5

Hard to tell if this is a post-Highworth Ten performance as the Kylies had gone down to Purton 4-2 at Braden Forest in October.

Big Al was in goal which could mean that Garratt was nursing a hangover as he did not make the squad. Al got MVP too so the team were clearly under the cosh in this third league defeat of the season.


Lunt
Carpenter, Woolford, M.Warr, Gunning
Summers, Merry, Gould, Howell,
Swatridge, Carter

Goals: Gunning, og

MVP: Lunt
Spoons: Summers


Next match: 21 January v The Grapes