(From the "I should Be So Lucky' magazine)
(The game) witnessed the humbling of the Top Table Posse in the first ever Kenilworth Cup Final. Played in perfect weather conditions and on the carpeted surface of Kenilworth Road, home of Luton Town FC, THE KYLIES made easy work of defeating the POsse by 10 goals to 2, with goals coming from SWATRIDGE (5), CARPENTER, B. WARR, SCOTT, GOULD and a TIMMS O.G.
A noticeable absentee from the list of scorers is KEVIN KIBBLE, made even more remarkable by the fact that he had by far and away the easiest chance of the afternoon. When poised in front of goal, no more than 6 yards out, with only the goalie to beat, he drew back his right foot and "TOE-PUNTED" it woefully wide into the advertising boards. (Otherwise there was) some fine football, good humour and excellent referee and some outstanding goals.
The Trophy was presented to Team Captain PAUL GARRATT in front of a packed house of approx 7 supporters. The atmosphere was absolutely tremendous, leading THE KYLIES into song and much frivolity in the showers afterwards, which I'm not at liberty to go into in case it gets certain members of the team in deep water.
Friday, 6 May 2016
KMLC25 - The Kenilworth Cup - Result and after-match reaction
Result
Athletico Top Table Posse 2
Soakell 2
v
Kylie Minogue's Love Children 10
Swatridge 5
Carpenter
B.Warr
Timms (og)
Scott
Gould
Attendance: Not many.
After-match quotes:
"You've got to be hard in this game - and we won!" - Stu
"I thought we were the better team on the night! - Ady
"I'm never surprised to see the ball in the net" - Swattty
"Disaster area, total disaster area" - Webby
"I thought I was offside" - Kevin
"It hit my leg, Snowy never saw it" - Rich
"What do you say to the criticism that...?" - Ben
Match report follows shortly
Athletico Top Table Posse 2
Soakell 2
v
Kylie Minogue's Love Children 10
Swatridge 5
Carpenter
B.Warr
Timms (og)
Scott
Gould
Attendance: Not many.
After-match quotes:
"You've got to be hard in this game - and we won!" - Stu
"I thought we were the better team on the night! - Ady
"I'm never surprised to see the ball in the net" - Swattty
"Disaster area, total disaster area" - Webby
"I thought I was offside" - Kevin
"It hit my leg, Snowy never saw it" - Rich
"What do you say to the criticism that...?" - Ben
Match report follows shortly
KMLC25 - The Kenilworth Cup (The Teams - Part Two, the Kylies)
Kylie Minogue's Love Children
1. Paul Garratt (Peej) - Earns his place due to having a booking card and being good at organising things.
2. Ian Rainbow (Meaty Morris) - On loan from Derby. His Howitzer-like passing should be well suited to the surface.
3. Brian Woolford (Woolly) - Only a couple of Kylie games under his belt but his cultured left foot should make an impression.
4. Stuart Gould (Sipper) - Only Kylie to have played at Luton previously. Not much hair, but plenty of flair.
5. Matthew Warr (Math) - Stylish and accomplished defender who is fit again after a recent foot injury*.
6. Kevin Gunning (Captain Lager) - The Pony-Tailed Colossus should rule the air around both penalty areas.
7. Simon Swatridge (Fricky) - Faster than a frightened Jack-Rabbit and deadlier as well.
8. Scott Carpenter (Carpo) - Midfield engine room whose self motivation could be a key to the team's chances.
9. Michael Scott (Mike) - Five goals in his last two games versus 'the Posse' for the skeletal front man.
10. Kevin Kibble (Shark) - He's short, he's round, on the score sheet he will be found - "The Shark"!
11. Ben Warr (Boom Boom) - Honest grafter and 'Old Man' of the team. His slap-headers have delighted a generation.
12. James Leonard (Jimmy) - Brought in at the last minute. Useful player to have on the bench.
* Editor's note. Programme print deadlines assumed Matthew's return to fitness. Sadly he didn't make it to Luton so James stepped up into the starting XI.
1. Paul Garratt (Peej) - Earns his place due to having a booking card and being good at organising things.
2. Ian Rainbow (Meaty Morris) - On loan from Derby. His Howitzer-like passing should be well suited to the surface.
3. Brian Woolford (Woolly) - Only a couple of Kylie games under his belt but his cultured left foot should make an impression.
4. Stuart Gould (Sipper) - Only Kylie to have played at Luton previously. Not much hair, but plenty of flair.
5. Matthew Warr (Math) - Stylish and accomplished defender who is fit again after a recent foot injury*.
6. Kevin Gunning (Captain Lager) - The Pony-Tailed Colossus should rule the air around both penalty areas.
7. Simon Swatridge (Fricky) - Faster than a frightened Jack-Rabbit and deadlier as well.
8. Scott Carpenter (Carpo) - Midfield engine room whose self motivation could be a key to the team's chances.
9. Michael Scott (Mike) - Five goals in his last two games versus 'the Posse' for the skeletal front man.
10. Kevin Kibble (Shark) - He's short, he's round, on the score sheet he will be found - "The Shark"!
11. Ben Warr (Boom Boom) - Honest grafter and 'Old Man' of the team. His slap-headers have delighted a generation.
12. James Leonard (Jimmy) - Brought in at the last minute. Useful player to have on the bench.
* Editor's note. Programme print deadlines assumed Matthew's return to fitness. Sadly he didn't make it to Luton so James stepped up into the starting XI.
KMLC25 - The Kenilworth Cup (The Teams - Part One, the Posse)
Athletico Top Table Posse
1. Neil Thompson (Snowy) - The Posse's commanding keeper could turn the air blue tonight with his use of industrial language. Brave as an ox and about as articulate.
2. Adrian Bevan (Ady) - Tough-tackling defender with the aggressive instincts of a bull terrier. Commanding in the air and previous experience of Luton's plastic, despite being short.
3. Paul Rose (Budlet) - Six foor two and seven stone wringing wet, Budlet's gangly frame and elbows give new meaning to the phrase 'man-to-man marking'.
4. Philip Selby (Man-Phil) - The Posse's ever-smiling 'libero' has laser-accurate passing but not looking forward to destroying his quiff by heading the ball. Also has previous Kenilworth experience.
5. Richard Timms (The Bigman) - Hard as a rock and about as mobile, the Bigman is the Posse's tower of strength and first man to the bar afterwards.
6. Mike Webster (Webby) - The Posse's defensive mystery man and possibly hidden ace. Just who is Webby?
7. David Rose (The Sheriff) - Big, fat and mouthy, Sheriff compensates for his lack of pace, vision and football skill by shouting at everybody all the time.
8. David Bevan (The M.C.) - Midfield dynamo whose endless stamina ensures he gets through more running than the rest of the posse put together. Probably.
9. Jared Prothero (J.P.) - The Posse's own Ally McCoist is an agile and pacey forward with an eye for goal and the slappers. Sure to set a few pulses racing tonight.
10. Roger Herman (The Bishop) - Mercurial winger who likes to take people on. More likely to make a pass at his team mates rather than to them. Ideal if you're looking for a fight.
11. Paul Soakell (Soke) - Marauding forward with a goal instinct as sharp as his basin haircut. The Posse are looking to him to provide the oranges at half-time.
(Paul Gordon was listed as sub but did not have a profile in the programme.)
1. Neil Thompson (Snowy) - The Posse's commanding keeper could turn the air blue tonight with his use of industrial language. Brave as an ox and about as articulate.
2. Adrian Bevan (Ady) - Tough-tackling defender with the aggressive instincts of a bull terrier. Commanding in the air and previous experience of Luton's plastic, despite being short.
3. Paul Rose (Budlet) - Six foor two and seven stone wringing wet, Budlet's gangly frame and elbows give new meaning to the phrase 'man-to-man marking'.
4. Philip Selby (Man-Phil) - The Posse's ever-smiling 'libero' has laser-accurate passing but not looking forward to destroying his quiff by heading the ball. Also has previous Kenilworth experience.
5. Richard Timms (The Bigman) - Hard as a rock and about as mobile, the Bigman is the Posse's tower of strength and first man to the bar afterwards.
6. Mike Webster (Webby) - The Posse's defensive mystery man and possibly hidden ace. Just who is Webby?
7. David Rose (The Sheriff) - Big, fat and mouthy, Sheriff compensates for his lack of pace, vision and football skill by shouting at everybody all the time.
8. David Bevan (The M.C.) - Midfield dynamo whose endless stamina ensures he gets through more running than the rest of the posse put together. Probably.
9. Jared Prothero (J.P.) - The Posse's own Ally McCoist is an agile and pacey forward with an eye for goal and the slappers. Sure to set a few pulses racing tonight.
10. Roger Herman (The Bishop) - Mercurial winger who likes to take people on. More likely to make a pass at his team mates rather than to them. Ideal if you're looking for a fight.
11. Paul Soakell (Soke) - Marauding forward with a goal instinct as sharp as his basin haircut. The Posse are looking to him to provide the oranges at half-time.
(Paul Gordon was listed as sub but did not have a profile in the programme.)
Thursday, 5 May 2016
KMLC25 - The Kenilworth Cup (Preview Part Three - About the Teams)
About the teams
Athletico Top Table Posse
Named after a piece of tacky furniture at Swindon's famous Level 3 nightclub, 'The Posse' come to Kenilworth Road tonight as very much the underdogs, albeit tenacious and determined underdogs. Formed amidst the the footballing euphoria created by the 'Promotion' of the summer of 1990, and a televised cup competition in Italy, their first 'game' at Faringdon Road Park resulted in a broken toe for Jared! From such unfortunate origins they have developed into a hard-working 5 or 6-a-side team. Now, this is their first attempt at the 11-a-side game.
Kylie Minogue's Love Children
Team Analysis
On paper, 'The Kylies' have a very balanced team; an attack blending skill with pace, the midfield blessed with creativity and strength, solid defenders comfortable on the ball and a cntre-back pairing known as 'The Messerschmitt Twins' due to their aerial ability. Behind all this stands a goalkeeper who, on his day, transforms from 'The Technicolour Clown' into 'The Man With The Solvite Hands'. Having said all that, this probably isn't his day and the game's on plastic - not paper!
Team History
Formed May 1990 to compete in the Striker Cup, The Kylies attempted to win the prize for the team with the silliest name. They failed; both in the name and the football departments. Results of 1-1, 0-2 and 2-6 gave them a first-round exit. The team then moved outside and embarked on a 17-game unbeaten streak at the Oasis, a stretch lasting more than four months. This season's Oasis campaign has been somewhat sketchier - only one more victory than defeat but, if last's season's form is repeated, The Kylies will hit their best form in the summer.
Athletico Top Table Posse
Named after a piece of tacky furniture at Swindon's famous Level 3 nightclub, 'The Posse' come to Kenilworth Road tonight as very much the underdogs, albeit tenacious and determined underdogs. Formed amidst the the footballing euphoria created by the 'Promotion' of the summer of 1990, and a televised cup competition in Italy, their first 'game' at Faringdon Road Park resulted in a broken toe for Jared! From such unfortunate origins they have developed into a hard-working 5 or 6-a-side team. Now, this is their first attempt at the 11-a-side game.
Kylie Minogue's Love Children
Team Analysis
On paper, 'The Kylies' have a very balanced team; an attack blending skill with pace, the midfield blessed with creativity and strength, solid defenders comfortable on the ball and a cntre-back pairing known as 'The Messerschmitt Twins' due to their aerial ability. Behind all this stands a goalkeeper who, on his day, transforms from 'The Technicolour Clown' into 'The Man With The Solvite Hands'. Having said all that, this probably isn't his day and the game's on plastic - not paper!
Team History
Formed May 1990 to compete in the Striker Cup, The Kylies attempted to win the prize for the team with the silliest name. They failed; both in the name and the football departments. Results of 1-1, 0-2 and 2-6 gave them a first-round exit. The team then moved outside and embarked on a 17-game unbeaten streak at the Oasis, a stretch lasting more than four months. This season's Oasis campaign has been somewhat sketchier - only one more victory than defeat but, if last's season's form is repeated, The Kylies will hit their best form in the summer.
Wednesday, 4 May 2016
KMLC25 - The Kenilworth Cup (Preview Part Two - Intro and Injuries)
All the preview text and team profiles over the next few posts was taken from the official match programme.
Introduction
Welcome to Kenilworth Road, Luton for the first Kenilworth Cup game between Kylie Minogue's Love Children and Athletico Top Table Posse. The two teams have competed against each other at 5, 6 and 7-a-side, but it is hoped that an 11-a-side event can be staged annually as long as the players' legs hold out!!
The Hurting
Both sides' preparation for this game has been affected by injuries, some short term, others threatening participation altogether. The in-vogue injury has been ankle ligaments. Matthew Warr has been sidelined for three weeks, David Rose one week, and both Gunning and Gould for the Kylies have suffered recurrences of injuries sustained in the last six months.
Other problems seen slight in comparison. Garratt (bruised finger) is the other Kylie victim, while for the Posse Thompson and Herman (both flu) and Ady Bevan (back) have struggled in recent weeks. Prothero (broken toe) and Goluld (nose job!) have delayed operations to play tonight, but the unluckiest man is surely Dave Bevan who, at the time of writing, is waiting for doctors to give him the go-ahead to play after a cycling accident left him with concussion, two stitches in his top lip and a suspected broken nose. We all wish Dave well and hope he can line up tonight.
All in all there are more crocks on display than in the average Tarzan film!!!
Head to Head Results
Kylies won 9, drawn 1, lost 0, for 84, against 47
Posse won 0, drawn 1, lost 9, for 47, against 84
Previous matches (Kylies' score first, all at Oasis except 23/12/90 at Dorcan)
3/7/90 - 14-4
10/7/90 - 5-4
1/8/90 - 8-8
3/9/90 - 11-8
11/9/90 - 13-3
16/10/90 - 5-4
22/10/90 - 9-3
23/12/90 - 5-4
22/1/91 - 6-5
18/3/91 - 8-4
Introduction
Welcome to Kenilworth Road, Luton for the first Kenilworth Cup game between Kylie Minogue's Love Children and Athletico Top Table Posse. The two teams have competed against each other at 5, 6 and 7-a-side, but it is hoped that an 11-a-side event can be staged annually as long as the players' legs hold out!!
The Hurting
Both sides' preparation for this game has been affected by injuries, some short term, others threatening participation altogether. The in-vogue injury has been ankle ligaments. Matthew Warr has been sidelined for three weeks, David Rose one week, and both Gunning and Gould for the Kylies have suffered recurrences of injuries sustained in the last six months.
Other problems seen slight in comparison. Garratt (bruised finger) is the other Kylie victim, while for the Posse Thompson and Herman (both flu) and Ady Bevan (back) have struggled in recent weeks. Prothero (broken toe) and Goluld (nose job!) have delayed operations to play tonight, but the unluckiest man is surely Dave Bevan who, at the time of writing, is waiting for doctors to give him the go-ahead to play after a cycling accident left him with concussion, two stitches in his top lip and a suspected broken nose. We all wish Dave well and hope he can line up tonight.
All in all there are more crocks on display than in the average Tarzan film!!!
Head to Head Results
Kylies won 9, drawn 1, lost 0, for 84, against 47
Posse won 0, drawn 1, lost 9, for 47, against 84
Previous matches (Kylies' score first, all at Oasis except 23/12/90 at Dorcan)
3/7/90 - 14-4
10/7/90 - 5-4
1/8/90 - 8-8
3/9/90 - 11-8
11/9/90 - 13-3
16/10/90 - 5-4
22/10/90 - 9-3
23/12/90 - 5-4
22/1/91 - 6-5
18/3/91 - 8-4
KMLC25 - The Kenilworth Cup (Preview Part One - How it came about)
After seeing a TV news item about the plastic pitch at Luton Town FC's Kenilworth Road being available for hire, Kylie keeper, and general pitch booking man, Paul Garratt floated the idea of the Kylies playing their first eleven-a-side game at the venue.
The team was behind him, the opponents were chosen (old rivals the Top Table Posse), the deposit was paid and the date was set. 6 May 1991* would be the date for the first ever Kenilworth Cup.
With a bank holiday evening kick-off we were paying top whack for the privilege. £270 for the pitch from 8pm to 10pm (plus use of the bar until 11pm) and £60 for floodlights (+VAT at 15%!)
We also needed to register with the Bedfordshire FA so we could have a ref. That was £8.
A video camera was hired from somewhere at the bottom of town (Hickmans?) and friend of the team Colin Robson engaged as cameraman. (I think I've lost my copy of the video - anyone still got theirs?)
I can't remember how we got there. Coach, minibus, fleet of cars? Let me know in the comments box. We were on our way to Luton.
* This was in the last week of the plastic pitch I think. It was being dug up the following weekend.
Tuesday, 3 May 2016
1995/96 Moving on...
Several players handed in their black and green shirts for the final time after this campaign...
Neil Shurmer
Just the one appearance for Neil this season, coming off the bench in the early-season win over Ambulance. In our first season he'd started five games and also appeared three times as sub and played in the first official KMLC game. A willing player he was exactly the good honest sort needed to get the team off the ground. He finished with one MVP and one Spoon to his name.
Rob Purdon
A substitute appearance in the early season cup defeat to Chris Graham was his only showing. Likely a 'ringer' covering off the possibility off injury. A colleague of Stu's if I remember correctly.
Craig Randell
Most likely another 'ringer'. One appearance in a Cup match, the Chairman's Trophy this time for the physio's brother.
Mark Gratland
'Gratty' had been well used in our first season playing a part in 13 league matches (eight starts, 5 sub appearances) and one sub appearance in a cup. His only showing this season was from the bench in the Wilts Cup hammering where he picked up his only Spoon. No MVP and no goals but his contribution can be measured in the same way as Neil's.
Jon Carter
Another player in that opening game Jon possibly suffered a little from his versatility. He slotted in across all the midfield roles and also appeared in defence and up front so perhaps didn't get the chance to nail one position. In 94/95 he made 15 starts and three from the bench and opened his account in the last game of the season. It was five appearances with another one as a sub in the campaign just gone and got his second goal in a win over ISSC. Another solid team man he finished with one MVP and one Spoon which came jointly with Garratt for their spectacular joint own goal.
Dave Turner
Another of Stu's connections I think. Played in the first game of the season but didn't resurface until March for two more starts and two sub appearances suggesting an 'emergency cover' kind of role. Still managed to pick up one MVP and a Spoon.
Neil Shurmer
Just the one appearance for Neil this season, coming off the bench in the early-season win over Ambulance. In our first season he'd started five games and also appeared three times as sub and played in the first official KMLC game. A willing player he was exactly the good honest sort needed to get the team off the ground. He finished with one MVP and one Spoon to his name.
Rob Purdon
A substitute appearance in the early season cup defeat to Chris Graham was his only showing. Likely a 'ringer' covering off the possibility off injury. A colleague of Stu's if I remember correctly.
Craig Randell
Most likely another 'ringer'. One appearance in a Cup match, the Chairman's Trophy this time for the physio's brother.
Mark Gratland
'Gratty' had been well used in our first season playing a part in 13 league matches (eight starts, 5 sub appearances) and one sub appearance in a cup. His only showing this season was from the bench in the Wilts Cup hammering where he picked up his only Spoon. No MVP and no goals but his contribution can be measured in the same way as Neil's.
Jon Carter
Another player in that opening game Jon possibly suffered a little from his versatility. He slotted in across all the midfield roles and also appeared in defence and up front so perhaps didn't get the chance to nail one position. In 94/95 he made 15 starts and three from the bench and opened his account in the last game of the season. It was five appearances with another one as a sub in the campaign just gone and got his second goal in a win over ISSC. Another solid team man he finished with one MVP and one Spoon which came jointly with Garratt for their spectacular joint own goal.
Dave Turner
Another of Stu's connections I think. Played in the first game of the season but didn't resurface until March for two more starts and two sub appearances suggesting an 'emergency cover' kind of role. Still managed to pick up one MVP and a Spoon.
Monday, 2 May 2016
1995/96 MVP & Spoons
Swatty might not have been so prolific in the scoring department but his efforts were rewarded with a second seasonal MVP.
Gunning and Summers were top Spooners while, for the second season, Smedley picked up an MVP but no Spoons.
| MVP | Spoons | |
| Carpenter | 1 | 1 |
| Carter | 1 | |
| Garratt | 1 | 3 |
| Gould | 2 | |
| Gratland | 1 | |
| Gunning | 2 | 4 |
| Howell | 2 | |
| Kelly | 3 | 2 |
| Lunt | 3 | 2 |
| Merry | 3 | 2 |
| Smedley | 1 | |
| Summers | 2 | 4 |
| Swatridge | 4 | 2 |
| Turner | 1 | 1 |
| Warr B. | 1 | 1 |
| Warr M. | 1 | 2 |
| Watling | 3 | 1 |
| Williams | 1 | |
| Woolford | 1 |
Sunday, 1 May 2016
1995/96 Goalscorers
Gould comes out on top, the only man to reach double figures.
Swatty, last season's top scorer, only bagged four and is on a 10-game drought.
Swatty, last season's top scorer, only bagged four and is on a 10-game drought.
| League | Cup | Total | |||
| Goals | Goals | Goals | |||
| Carpenter | 1 | 1 | |||
| Carter | 1 | 1 | |||
| Gould | 10 | 10 | |||
| Gunning | 8 | 8 | |||
| Howell | 1 | 1 | |||
| Kelly | 6 | 1 | 7 | ||
| Lunt | 1 | 1 | |||
| Merry | 4 | 4 | |||
| Smedley | 2 | 2 | |||
| Swatridge | 4 | 4 | |||
| Warr M. | 1 | 1 | |||
| Watling | 8 | 1 | 9 | ||
| Woolford | 2 | 2 |
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