Richie Writes
Advice from the Heart
(Editor's note - This 'Agony Aunt' column, written by our very own Richie Rees, originally appeared with fake names of the people who wrote the fake questions. As those names were only one or two letters removed from people's real names I have removed those to protect the innocent!)
Food is ruining my marriage!
Dear Richie
Every night when my wife is asleep I sneak downstairs and eat loads of pizza and chocolate. I'm worried this will ruin my marriage so what should I do?
Richie Writes: I think the best way to avoid the temptation of chocolate and pizza is to not buy them in the first place you Fat Bastard!
Manager gives me the hots!
Dear Richie
I try and model myself on my football manager who's really lovely, should I let him know how I feel?
Richie Writes: Next time your manager is giving a naked team talk let him know you like him by gently caressing his bottom, not only will this let him know how you feel it will also give you a pleasurable erection.
My temper is ruining my life!
Dear Richie
I have sudden head rushes when playing football which causes me to shout and swear at my team mates which always ends up in them leaving me - I'm worried that I'll end up alone so what should I do?
Richie Writes: Eh mate. Don't have a go at me about it! Sort it out yourself!
Old before my time!
Dear Richie
I seem to have aged twice as fast as my friends, do you think I should see a doctor?
Richie Writes: Try Oil of Ulay, it does wonders for your skin and also has a very nice scent.
To be continued...
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