KMLC25 - The Kenilworth Cup 2 - Result and report

Top Table Posse 1
Soakell

v

Kylie Minogue's Love Children 1
B.Warr

(Report from the We Should Be So Lucky magazine)

The performance on the pitch was nowhere near that of the one in the nightclub the previous evening.

THE KYLIES were admittedly up against better opposition than at Luton, but none the less turned in one of their worst displays.

There was no sparkle or zest throughout the team apart from a very well taken goal by BEN WARR which spared the KYLIE blushes.

The scoreline was a very drab 1-1 draw which The Posse well enjoyed.

KMLC25 - The Kenilworth Cup 2 (The line-ups - Kylie Minogue's Love Children)

1. Kev Gunning - Only 7 games and 2 knee operations since last year's game. Kev is confined to ruling his own penalty area this time.
2. Paul Garratt - with Kev G between the sticks, where does the regular keeper play? - 'Where he's bloody told to' says Ben, the ever considerate manager.
3. Chris Howell - stunning performance and solo goal v Zimmer at Hreod books the youngster his place.
4. Stuart Gould - two games since a nose operation, the artist of the team is back to his superfit best.
5. Matthew Warr - missed last year's game with an ankle injury that kept him out of a Kylie shirt for untold months. Math will be making up for lost time at the heart of the Kylie defence.
6. Brian Woolford - the defensive titan!
7. Ian Rainbow - Ian's greatest asset could be that living in Derby he will be already acclimatised to the rarefied northern atmosphere.
8. Scott Carpenter - will Carpo shout at himself, his teammates and make a dynamic contribution to the midfield - is wrestling fixed?
9. Ian Merry - 13 goals in only 5 Kylie games, including 7 when these teams met in December. More of the same today please.
10. Kevin Kibble - determined to erase the memory of his heinous miss at Luton, the only Kylie ever-present this year is far more than the bionic toe of last year.
11. Ben Warr - The Manager - if anything goes wrong the balding supremo will carry the can for the whole side. Well, he might five some of them a lift home anyway.

KMLC25 - The Kenilworth Cup 2 (The line-ups - Top Table Posse)

1. David 'Sheriff' Rose - Sheriff models himself on Colombian headcase Rene Higuita and has prepared meticulously for today's game by sewing his tracksuit bottoms up.
2. Adrian 'Adey' Bevan - let not his lack of height fool you. This tough tackling terrier will be the one with titanium skid-plates on his boots when the sparks start flying.
3. Andy 'Beef kid' Perfitt - this stylish and skilful defender is luckily able to play today as the game coincides with Bee's extensive tour of Lancs WMCs.
4. Clive Fenwick - a colleague of certain 'posse' members on Sunday mornings, this inspirational defender has agreed to play despite our kit colour clashing with his beads.
5. Richard 'Big man' Timms - following Gordon Strachan's example, the Posse's top stopper has gone on a special burgees-and-Newcastle Brown diet in order to be in top-notch condition for this game.
6. Paul 'Soke' Soakell - the Posse's top scorer last year switches to a roving midfield role but is sure to be followed by a gaggle of adoring chicks wherever he plays - except here.
7. Jamie 'Hooton' Ward - product of the Posse's youth policy. 'Hoot' is a skilful midfielder who has endless stamina, a tidy stopper, and taught Glenn Hoddle all he knows about dead ball situations.
8. David 'MC' Bevan - 'Captain Marvel' of the team and the man with Platt like stamina, despite being one of the wrinklies of the team. The boy Bevan done great, Brian.
9. Jared 'JP' Prothero - scorer of the goal of the century at Dorcan vs Bennetts recently, the Posse's whippet-like forward will be amongst the goals this afternoon...perhaps.
10. John Ball - also the Posse's reserve keeper (useful if Sheriff bangs his head again), mercurial winger John is another Posse youngster. Unorthodio, maverick, unconventional - and that's just his shorts.
11. Neil 'Snowy' 'Keaton' Thompson - man of many nicknames, Neil (only has parents call him that) is an accomplished cricketer but is itching to show what he is capable of, given bigger balls.

KMLC25 - The Kenilworth Cup 2 (Preview Part Four - The Build-up)

With Deepdale not being on the doorstep of the two clubs The Kylies travelled up and spent the night before the game in Blackpool.

Here's how the 'We Should Be So Lucky' magazine reported it...

Early Saturday morning the Kylies set off in convoy, heading for the bright lights and Famous Tower of Blackpool. Once there, and having booked into the B&B*, they proceeded to visit the nearest Public House where a few Ales were supped.

Following this came the Leisure Park. Everyone managed to get wet, whilst BEN had the added bonus of losing his much loved Cap. A few were seen to wear a worried look whilst on the Infamous Corkscrew Ride. A Pretty Girl fell prey to the dead eye aim of THE KYLIES and found herself dunked in a tub of water. Some were seen wearing stupid rainproof jackets.

All participated in the evening activity of drinking. BEN was the only one at fault as regards The Trouser Fiasco. Others joined him in going home early when turned away from The Nightclub.

Of those who stayed out BRIAN paraded around the Nightclub looking like Napoleon. MATHEW and Stuart performed The Legendary FUNKY CHICKEN with the added dimension of it being performed at Warp Factor 9, much to the delight of IAN M who himself performed rather well on the dance floor attracting the intentions of a number of Older Women.

Whilst all this was happening MICHAEL showed BRIAN a clean pair of heels when it comes to The Soft Shoe Shuffle and proceeded to chat up and dance with every beautiful girl in The Club.

The morning after saw the beach games aborted ... due to their being no beach!

* This was the Oregon Guest House 

KMLC25 - The Kenilworth Cup 2 (Preview Part Three - The Kylies)

Introduction

The Kylie introduction speaks for itself.

History

The Kylie history speaks for itself.

The Team

The Kylie team... er ... speak for themselves.

Who isn't playing

Simon Swatridge - last year's five goal hero is kept out of today's game by work commitments.

Jimmy Leonard - spectacular replacement for Math last year. Jim has an impending birth to consider. All Kylies hope Jim has the right result.

Michael Scott - Six goals in his last Kylie game, then an eye injury (playing for today's opponents), prematurely ends his career. Mike is here as cameraman and morale officer.

Dean Scourfield - Gone to Australia, priorities wrong or what?

Kylie '92 record

Played 15, Won 12, Drawn 1, Lost 2

Goals for 135, Goals against 78.

	Appearances	Goals
Carpenter	9	11
Garratt	14	0
Gould	14	53
Gunning	3	0
Haines	1	1
Howell	1	1
Kibble	15	29
Merry	2	4
Scourfield	1	0
Swatridge	2	5
Warr B.	9	8
Warr M.	14	12
Williams	1	0
Woolford	14	8
Own goals		3

Thanks

The Kylies would like to thank,

Allied Dunbar, Metalfast, UDO and Caroline for team transport.

The Oregon Guest House, Blackpool.

Chris & Michael Scott for loan and operation of the video camera.

Colin Robson for last year's videoand Soke for reproducing the tapes.

Lancashire FA and Preston Ref's Association.

Ben for typing out the program notes.

KMLC25 - The Kenilworth Cup 2 (Preview Part Two - The Opponents - Top Table Posse)

All the preview text and team profiles over the next few posts was taken from the official match programme.

Introduction

The Posse approach the Kenilworth Cup Final looking good and feeling fit, and hoping to avenge last year's 10-2 defeat by the Kylies at the inaugural KC game. Their confidence has been buoyed by a successful Autumn 1991 'friendly' campaign at 6-a-side (played 24, won 15, drew 3, lost 6), and a similarly creditable performance in the Adver Spring 1992 6-a-side league, where, in their first crack at the league, they finished 4th (from 12) in div 3  (22, 12, 4, 6). Indeed, in the Adver league, the Posse harboured championship ambitions until a Man utd-like end of season collapse removed them from competition . During this, goalkeeper Sheriff was carried off after knocking himself out against a post, causing him to turn up pissed for the next 2 games.

History

The nucleus of the side here, since time immemorial, gathered at Level 3's legendary 'Top Table' to while away the weekends in alcoholic stupors. However, the joint attractions of the 'Town's' 1990 Wembley appearance, and a mirror Italian football tournament inspired 'the posse' to indulge in the unhealthy participation of a sport which previously only provided them with away trips to pubs in other town, and general excuses to get pissed on Saturday evenings. From humble beginnings they have forged an even humbler history than 'Halifax under-ll Brownie pack 2nd 11 Athletic', and there fore approach today's game determined to defy their rank outsider status, and have a bloody good time doing so.

The Team

Todays team show several changes from last year's beaten finalists (a wise move - ed). Gone are the bishop's lightning win runs, the bullet's over-the-top assault-and-batteries thinly disguised as tackles, and Webby and man-Phil's, er, 'spartan., contributions to the Posse machine. In the place, the Posse turn to their youth policy, in the shape of 'Hooton' and John, and a pair of seasoned and experienced in Clive and 'Beef-kid'. Perhaps a more significant change may be found in the 'trading places' deal between Snowy and Sheriff. Former goalkeeper 'Keatons' bolshy nature will stand him in good stead as a marauding forward in the Mark Hughes mould, and Sheriff's switch to goalie should suit his talent for shouting a bit and falling over, as ably demonstrated last year.

KMLC25 - The Kenilworth Cup 2 (Preview Part One - How it came about)

After the fun times 12 months ago at Luton a second Kenilworth Cup game between Kylie Minogue's Love Children and The Top Table Posse was on the cards.

Preston North End's Deepdale stadium had a plastic pitch* so £65 was paid to secure an afternoon slot on Sunday 31 May. The teams were affiliated to the Lancashire Football Association for one day only and a referee secured.

Some rules of playing on the pitch included:

Do Not:

• Use any form of screw-in studs - they will damage the pitch
• Use running shoes with spikes.
• Eat chewing gum whilst playing on the pitch
• Wear muddy footwear on the playing surface
• Climb the crowd control fencing. Use the appropriate gate when retrieving the ball from the tearraces.
• Use Lowthorpe Road as a car park.
• Smoke cigarettes/cigars on the playing surface.

In addition spectators in stiletto heels were not allowed on the playing surface.


*It was removed in 1994